Marathon Bummer

A little over six months ago I experienced the NY Marathon for the first time.  Like a lot of spectators, I caught the Marathon itch that day and even vowed to enter my name in the lottery for the 2009.

In the months since race day, I’ve not stopped thinking about the race.  This is not to say I’ve been undeterred in my pursuit - there were plenty of dreadfully cold days duing the winter when I couldn’t walk to the kitchen to make hot chocolate, much less think of running more than 25 miles.

Alas, I kept coming back to the feeling I got as I watched the event with my own eyes last November.  I wanted that feeling again - the crowds, the pursuit, the pain, the triumph - and I wanted it on a level which can only come by putting yourself out there in the race.

It was this desire which led me to step up my training a bit in hopes that the opportunity would come.  Suddenly 3 mile runs became 5 and then 8.  Yet even on such a long run there was a nagging fear - could I really put together another 18+ on a race day?

It was in light of this fear that I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to get picked for the Marathon.  It surely would be easier not to have that hanging my head, right?  That’s what I convinced myself as I logged into the NY Road Runners site today and saw this message:

It was until actually reading the words of my fate on the screen that I realized just how badly I wanted to run.  In that moment all the trepidation went away, all concern was gone.  All that was left was a pit in my stomach which spoke of a dream deferred, at least for now.

You see, I’m not giving up yet.  I’m looking into options to run for a charity and also digging into details about any alternate ways to earn a spot.

I’ve already learned too much about myself through this experience to give up now - in my mind, the race has just begun.